Domestic Violence: Educated & Elite
Whenever we talk about domestic violence , it conjures up an image of poor, uneducated women unaware of their rights. Since I started my research on domestic violence, my views are changing.
Kalpana(name changed), one of my friend, is holding a master degree from one of prestigious university of Chandigarh. She is married to investment banker in Gurugram.
Two weeks after she married, she got into an argument with her mother-in-law & her husband barged her into their bedroom, held her face in his hands and squeezed it till she screamed. As she tried to free herself from his hold, she looked at the bangles in her arms, and started crying again. At this moment, She already realized that she was stuck. Violence became normal, sometimes it was physical, emotional or sexual.
I still remember a discussion with one of my friend, she quoted : “You won’t believe it, it happened to my friend also , education and wealth is of no point, the guy hold an MBA degree and working in MNC!”
Another friend quoted : “It happens in my family too, I never called it abuse but have seen it since childhood!“
During these discussions, it was easy to notice that ignorance of well-educated is also one of the main reason of this exploitation. In fact, a significant level of exploitation is seen among the most-informed and well-educated.
It is clearly a battle of educated vs noble , elite vs ethical. When I was discussing same with one of my mentor, my mentor quoted: “ we love to celebrate negative emotions & battles, arrogance as a sign of success , destruction as a sign of victory & ownership as a sign of growth” . And trust me all these ways are patriarchal ways of living.
Despite many evidences that the well-educated and the privileged urban exploitation of several kinds around us, we tend to place unwavering trust on them and their sense of ethics.
But still the biggest challenge is convincing the women that they do not deserve abuse. Most women who face domestic violence think it’s a normal part of their life, it’s a part of being a wife, daughter, a sister in law, even mother.
Abuse in a relationship is never constant. There are days when things are back to normal, and most women draw hope from those days.
One of my friend quoted: “You are so used to living with them that you get used to getting abused too. You keep hoping it won’t happen again and all this becomes a way of life. You loose your self esteem, self worth & self respect”
Most of cases still not reported either due to “so called false honor” or pressure from in-law or girl’s family.
1 in 3 women in India is likely to have been subjected to intimate partner violence, but only 1 in 10 of these women formally reports the offence. According to NFHS report, physical violence was the most common form of abuse, with nearly 27.5% of women reporting this. Sexual abuse and emotional abuse were reported by nearly 13% and nearly 7%, respectively. As per my findings, emotional abuse is most under reported.
I know , some of you still not believing that educated can do gender-based violence. There are enough statistics proving the extent and the nature of gender-based violence at our workplaces and homes. Here is a tiny list of individuals to keep in mind when the next time your mind frames a sentence starting with “but how can such educated people do this..?”
John Lennon talked about him being violent and abusive towards women and writing a song about it in an interview.
A retired high-court senior judge Ramamohan Rao and his family were caught on CCTV beating his daughter-in-law.
IPS officer thrashes wife, pins her down on video. He calls it ‘family matter’
Hyderabad techie kills herself; family shares horrifying clip of domestic abuse
Hence the question should not be “How can educated and rich people do such cruel acts?”. Instead, the question should be “How do they still continue to earn the trust & holding their head high?”
Domestic violence and gender-based abuse is a lot closer to you than you may think, imagine and pretend.
